YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
