what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
