that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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