Ambien. No doubt about it.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
