What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
