I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
