yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
