This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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