I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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