We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
did i walk over a car last night?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
