drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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