the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
