I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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