Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
