He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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