He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
