A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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