i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
