you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
