Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
