his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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