Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
