I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
