We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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