i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
