is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
