that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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