I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
