Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
