You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
