This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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