my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You left your phone here
Wait...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
