PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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