Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
