I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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