i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
