You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
