a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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