this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
