Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
