You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
