Your face is a jimmy john
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
