I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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