can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
