4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
