We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
