Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
