slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
