The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
