I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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